I had it when I was at the prime of my career. I am thinking how I would soar really high on my dreams. It was a fulfillment of what Ive been through, what I did and overcame...
I thought that was the end, I thought that I was loosing myself, and loosing my mind...suddenly my future became so dark.
But I thought, why should i became affected? Life should go on, if this is my end so be it, but who am i to know that its gonna be my end. Maybe ill die in a different way, if that will be my destiny.
I will be honest that i cried a lot, prayed a lot and hoped a lot. Its not easy to fail, especially for someone like me whos not so used to it. I had a very good life, and this life lead me to where i am now...im sick.
After almost two years of treatment, I'm slowly getting back to my old self, my old routine. Back to normal, just like what i was before. I ask my doctor on what i should do, he just said that i should live my life like i used to do, be normal, enjoy life, eat what i want, travel to where i can go...because this sickness is not a death sentence. It is the start of a new life.
But there were times that i was so scared, I'm too afraid for things that is not happening. I'm tired of my medicines, as if my body is so bored to take it already. But i have to, because this is my life, for my family, for the one i love.
I started to show how much i really love them. I want them to remember how jolly am i. I want to be remembered as a person full of happiness, despite of what i have.
I also managed to save a little for my future and for my medical needs in case. I have to. I don't want to be a burden for my family. Yes i want to be taken cared of but i still want to be self supporting.
I'm so vocal when i say that i want to be cremated when i die, which I'm sure they will because of my condition. Its frightening to think that my body will burn, i wont feel it anymore, but the thought is too scary. But that's my choice,
But for now, i have to endure the everyday struggles and acceptance. Its a lot different now. A lot better should i say.
I always think that God will still love me, despite of it all.
