Undetected 2..a year after

I was so anxious, scared but excited as I open the mail. The mail was from my treatment hub. It was my first year of ARV treatment, and I had my VL count again...Remember that I had the undetected result on my sixth month. I have to know if the treatment is working for me. I have to get the undetected result again...

My hands are shaking as I opened the mail...and it says...undetectable...undetected again..wohhh. I almost cried in joy. I had two rounds already, which means my virus are now suppressed. Its sleeping to say the least.

I was so glad when I had my check up again. The doctor said I looked so fine, I said, I am. I feel so good, great actually. He was so happy, me too. It was a nice Christmas gift for me.

But then I'm hearing unsuccessful stories, most of them being late to diagnose and to seek treatment. The one who assisted me before was so sad since he was the one assisting them too.  I said to him that even though he had few losses, he is so successful on me. He said, I made him feel better.

How I wish others will also have the courage to submit themselves, to know their status and to get treated as soon as possible. In my case, I chose to knew it right away, as not to be scared everyday and to worry. The situation of knowing that you already had it was quite scary and hard, but if I haven't had the courage, I might be dead, and I'm so serious.

I almost remember the day I had my test, I said, its now or never, if I will be positive, then I have to accept it and knew how will I spend the rest of my days, if negative, then take care of myself better. It was scary, to know the truth but even scarier not to know it at all. Now I'm a living proof that we can still live a normal life, that we shouldn't be scared...and we should fight, cause we still have the right to live.

After Six Months...Undetected!

I was browsing my yahoo account since I was confused and curious on why they want me to create a security check on my account. So after several tries, I finally accessed it and wanting to clean it up due to numerous emails. Then I found an email from ARG.

ARG is the clinic where I am periodically being tested for monitoring purposes. I know that they had my results and honestly, I don't want to look at it. But just like before, I have to face it no matter what the results are. I first opened a recent mail, and found out that its just my XRAY result and it shows a normal chest results, quite good for a start. Then I opened the second one. It showed my VL count. I was undetected. I was stunned. I was thinking, and contemplating what it means. During the seminar, they said that if you are non detected for VL count, that means the medicines are working as expected and no need to shift for the other combination. I couldn't believe it, that after 6 months of medication, the virus was now asleep and inactive. Thanks God I am now as normal as I can be.

This is a very good news for me, it boost my confidence on the medicines that I am taking. Its a validation that im ok, that im getting there, not totally healed but far from being sick.

I am still awaiting for my annual test. I do hope and pray that its just as good as the first one.

Happy Anniv To Me

I was in RITM last Tuesday, October 11, 2016 for my first year anniversary. I don't know if it makes me happy to see just a few blood brothers in line for their respective medical treatment. But at least I saw the familiar volunteers which became part of my new life already.
Im glad also that is never saw someone whose really need his treatment badly. I also noticed that they switch offices and clinics. ARG office and lab is smaller than before. Refilling is also done on ARG pharmacy in the annex. It seem so convenient to me cause I am with a private doctor so I don't have to wait for my results and for consultation. They made me leave early as I said I will be back on my doctor once I had the complete result. Yeah it includes now viral load, complete cbc, xray and PDD test. I spent almost 2 hours there, so I managed to visit Padre Pio Shrine on my way back home.


I also had some chat with my adviser which happens to be in Iloilo. I said to him that im glad im still alive and fine. A thing which I never expected the day I had my first conversation with him. I felt so normal...the only different is that I have to maintain a drug that will extend my life...


Welcome to my second year.

A Year After...

Suddenly, I realized that I am now approaching my first anniversary. Its just like yesterday when I don't know how I will handle my current situation. But now, I'm getting back to normal though I know deep within me, it will never be back to normal. There are times that I fear death, but now there is an assurance than it will not be so soon as I am feeling better and better each day.

Of course theres a lot of struggles and adjustment on my body. I noticed few problems on my skin, very frequent pimples, with pimple-like spots on my legs and on my chest. But I believe this is just a minor problem for me to be pre-occupied with. At least I know that I am recovering from my early signs...and I am awaiting for the result of my first ever viral load count.

I am again into decorating my home which became a therapy for me. Unfortunately, the thoughts that someday ill be leaving the house still struck me. But I'm slowly assuring myself that I will be in a better place by then.

Still, no one knows my condition except for the three persons who are the closest to me. I wanted to reveal my condition to others but I don't have the guts and I don't think they are ready for it also. sometimes I'm thinking that its easier to broadcast it, to release my fears, but I know its not that easy.

So, happy anniversary to me. May God give me more anniversaries on the next years to come.

After Nine Months

It was ended. After nine months of taking my anti TB meds, finally, im done with it. The first three months are so difficult, the next 6 months are so tiring. I just couldn't swallow the pill anymore. Sometimes, I am already choking with it. Those moments when I have to rush in any comfort room since I have to as a side effect of the meds, those moments that I have to pee cause it hurts not to answer the call of nature. But finally, im done. But im too scared.

Im so scared that I don't have anymore protection. That now my lungs is at its own already, without any support but my ARV. Right now I have to trust my meds, that it will protect me on the days to come. I want to be inspired by all those I knew, that up till now are surviving and living a happy and productive life. I want to pray for strength, for humility and for faith. Ive been through emotional pressure, and even spiritual too. Sometimes I forget to pray...and hoped that He will always be there for me. I have to pray more and trust more. But how can I, I am overshadowed by my weakness. And I know its not that good. I want to search for answers. I want to be better. I want to be good in His eyes.

God forgive me for I have continuously sin and forsaken you.

RITM Escapade

Maaga pa kami ng sister, mga 5:30 nung umalis sa bahay. Kailangan naming makarating ng RITM ng 7 am sabi ni kuya Tom. Sabi nya, maghihintay dun si Edz na mag aassist sakin sa unang araw ko dun. First time ko din pupunta sa bandang yun ng alabang kaya naman napag handaan ko na kung saan kami dadaan. Kahit papasok ang RITM mabilis naman naming sya nahanap. Pero by that time, napakarami na ng nakapark na sasakyan kaya halos dun na kami sa likod nakapwesto, sa may basketball court. Naupo muna kami ng sister ko sa bench at tinext ko si edz. Sabi nya naka TRR shirt daw sya. Nakita ko sya, unang impression ko agad, bata pa, pero alam kong katulad ko rin sya ng kaso. Sinamahan nya ako sa may parang registration kung saan bibigyan ako ng number at hihintayin na tawagin nila ako. Binigyan nila ako ng code. Dun ko naramdaman, umpisa na ito, saka yung orange card ng RITM. Pagkatapos nun, dun na kami sa room kung saan nagpapakonsulta yung lahat ng mga katulad ko. Pagpasok ko dun, napakadami na ng pila. Parang pang 30+ na ata ako nun. Pero new case naman ako. Kinunan ako ng vital signs, tapos kinunan ng dugo at sinabi na hintayin ang resulta after lunch. Bago yun, nainvite ako para sa isang seminar, kung saan may lectures para sa mga positive patients. May kumukuha ng litrato, ayoko sana makasama sa picture pero wala na ako magagawa. Andito na ako. Gusto ko mabuhay kaya haharapin ko ito. Pagkatapos nung seminar, kumain muna kami ng sister ko. That time, wala talaga ako panlasa pero pinipilit ko pa ring kumain. Pagkatapos ng lunch, ayun kay doctor Garcia na ako. Sinabi ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Sinabi nya na 198 na lang ang cd4 ko. Mababa na sa 300 yun, pero sabi nung mga iba, mataas pa yun compared sa kanila. Baka nga siguro dahil malakas pa naman katawan ko. Akala ko that time bibigyan na ako ng gamut pero kailangan ko pa pala magpa hepa b so kailangan ko pa bumalik. Binigyan ako ni doc ng antibiotic para sa lungs ko. Mga 2 pm pa kami naka tapos dun at dumiretso pa kami sa hometown ko kasi namatay yung tita ko. Ang saya at sarap sana ikwento sa iba ng pinagdadaanan ko pero tikom muna bibig ko. Ito daw kasi yung situation na hindi ko dapat ipaalam lalo na sa mga tao na hindi pa lubusang makakaunawa.

Nakatatlong beses pa ako bago ko nakuha ang aking ARV sa RITM. Sa totoo lang, sobrang excited na ako uminom nun. Para bang isa syang wonder drug for me. Ang hindi ko alam, kakaiba pala ang magiging epekto sa akin ng gamut na yon...

The Unwanted Condition

Prior to my confirmation, Kuya Tom advised me to have baseline tests as they will be performing such in RITM, so I decided to do it on my chosen hospital instead. I planned to do it early on as not to waste my time in RITM. So I rushed myself in the hospital, secured the necessary endorsement from the doctor. I went to have my chest X-ray and my blood chem. I was noticed by my counselor who said that I looked ok compared on the first time we met. Then they advised me to return the next day for the X RAY result and my bloodchem. 

So I returned to the hospital a day after. The guy from the XRAY department handed me the result. My heart, and abdomen are normal except for some medical terms which I am not so familiar. So I gave my result to my doctor. She then asked me if I had my annual XRAY tests before. I said yes. Then she asked me if its on the same hospital which I also confirmed. She then searched for my result then showed me a portion of my slides. She said that I might need to subject myself for a CT Scan as shes seeing some abnormality on my lung. A suspected node...in which she cant confirmed if its cancerous or not. I was stunned and scared. My mother died of lung cancer, diagnosed and only lasted for three months. I immediately said that we need to do the CT Scan. And I have to wait for a day again for the result.

My ct scan validated the abnormality I have in my lungs. Whats good is, its not cancer cells. Its an inactive Tubercolosis. She asked me how I might acquired it. She said that I actually had it a year ago. Then I said I need to tell her something. And she wrote down a three letter word in a piece of paper. Then I nod my head. She said that I need to start my treatment as this is a must even if I still have an inactive one.

And I found myself adhering to here chosen medical prescription. Its just like ordinary else. The first two days are so critical. I had rashes all over me.

Then I have to replace my medicine. It was a regimen that I need to adhere and I need to go through. It was so hard. I felt like im too overdosed of the medicine. Never taken medicines like that before. But I have to do it. Im loosing my appetite. Im not doing good but I need to be patient. I have all the support.