The Positive Aftermath

Wednesday August, 26, 2015. I went out. I need to scrape all of these thoughts on my head. I need to find a place where I can just be relaxed. I find myself praying the rosary, in front of my dear Mary Mediatrix of All Graces. No more crying this time, though I had made a good cry while driving a while a go. I lift them up to Mama Mary. I asked her to take care of me. To make me stronger. To make me live longer.

Then I went to Padre Pio Shrine in Sto Tomas. I prayed there too. Then I realized, I cannot make it on my own, I have to let my family know my status. I texted my brother. I said I needed to talk to him. He respond. He will meet me tomorrow, that's Thursday. I had a good cry again while driving home. I can see my beloved niece, I still cant afford to leave her. I love her so much.

Thursday. My brother came in my house. I invited him on my room. I close the door. I said to him that I submitted to a test. And I was positive. I was crying so much. My brother just stared at me. Knowing my pain, he asked me if I think I will die soon. I said I was so scared. He said living is a gift, everyday of our lives are a gift from God. My father died at the age of 48, my older brother died at 40. He is on his 40s too while im on my 39th, nearly the age when our loveones died. He said I should not be afraid of dying. He knew this disease, and I am not the only person he knew who have this, theres a lot of us already. I asked him to take care of me. He said he will. That I should enjoy more my life. Do what I wanted to do, travel more and live as if im a normal individual.

Friday. After breakfast, I asked my sister to join me in my room. I said everything. I again had a good cry, she was too. while embracing me she said that we will seek medical advise on what to do, that we will pray more and attend the mass more. She asked me about my plans, I said I will wait for the confirmation.

At least I was so relieved. MY brother and his wife and my sister are the only person I entrusted my condition. Nobody else.

As the days passed by...I lost my appetite. I started to loose weight, I had sleepless nights. I have anxiety attacks. I am worried all the time, I cant concentrate on my work. I became a lonely person. I cant smile often, I cant talk more. It seems I need everyone to just stop for a while to see that im not ok.

Until I found this site. THE PROJECT RED RIBBON!